I’m wondering if I made a really fucking huge mistake.

He is so fucking clingy and gets pissy if he’s not getting attention from me. He’s a fucking slob and I can’t deal with that and he throws fucking temper tantrums over the most stupid shit. Earlier tonight, for example, he comes home from work and gets shitty because there’s stuff on the bed. Mind you, I was unpacking and cleaning stuff the entire time he was at work and things were on the bed because I had to rearrange a ton of shit in the bedroom. (I got my new mattress and box spring today. Since we do not yet have the bed frame, we are sleeping on his old mattress on the floor. I had to shuffle a ton of shit around to make room for the set.) Instead of just moving the things off the bed, he starts whining to me about where to put the stuff and then proceeds to start throwing a fucking tantrum because there are things on the bed. Because I was busy trying to find out if gas cooktops have pilot lights inside of them.*

Yeah, dude, get the fuck over it. I understand that you having to move a few things off the goddamn bed is soooooo much more important than figuring out how the fucking range works. Furthermore, he doesn’t bother to put any of his shit away and can’t be bothered to do simple adult things like picking up after himself. And I’m supposed to cry a fucking river because the goddamn bed has a few things on it? Fuck. Off.

It’s a big fucking production to do anything with him. Like yesterday, we had planned to go out and get a couch. He told me he was going to throw on some clothes (which would take normal people 5/10 minutes, max, but he gives me a timeframe of 20 minutes) and then we could leave. He can’t understand why, ten minutes into him throwing on a change of clothes, I’m pissed because he’s standing in his fucking boxers and dicking around on Facebook. Later, he whined that he was talking to someone he hadn’t talked to in forever. Right, because that required him to be on my computer at that specific moment.

Earlier today, I catch him trying to take my fucking laptop — that he does not have money to replace — into the bathroom, despite the fact that he destroyed his own laptop by bringing it into the bathroom and getting it wet. GEE GOSH, CAN’T IMAGINE WHY I WOULDN’T WANT YOU BRINGING IT IN THERE. I really spend more of my time feeling like a mommy than a girlfriend and it drives me up a wall.

I had to be the idiot who wanted to move in with him instead of thinking about this rationally. Granted, a lot of this was us being thrown into the situation because of circumstances and, in my defense, this is more of a situation where he is just crashing with me instead of actually living together. I still wish I had taken some time to step back and realize this shit is going too fast (or he had just realized that once Gay Best Friend kicked us out, he should probably just bow out and let me take care of things myself). I still feel kind of misled that I had to pull teeth to find out that he had virtually no experience with dating before me. I wish I had known that earlier on instead of a month or two into this whole mess.

I’m kind of hoping that once he is in law school, things will change so much that there we can part ways and it won’t be such a big deal or things will greatly improve. I really need time away from him so I can breathe.

At least it’s an open relationship. Things could be a lot more stifling for me.

<font size =”-3″>* I’ve never lived in a place with a cook top instead of a regular oven and SDC’s place is the only place I’ve been in that has a gas range.</font>