Ugh.

By | May 7, 2009

So, I’m now 12 days into being a preachy ex-smoker fuck.

The biggest reason I didn’t want to quit (aside from the fear of gaining a little bit of weight) was that once you go from addict to former addict, it’s like going from uber cool to fucking dork. Like, your Tuesday night goes from adventures involving waking up in bus stations covered in your own vomit to spending six hours scrapbooking. (And not in an ironic manner.)

I don’t want to scrapbook in a non-ironic manner. Smoking is cool and sexy (and any smoker who tries to tell you otherwise is a goddamn liar. There isn’t a smoker out there who thinks that shit isn’t cool. We don’t need slick marketing to tell us that smoking makes you a sex kitteny badass, it’s just common sense). I don’t want to be a dork. I started smoking when it was acceptable to do so; i.e., when I was a stupid 15 year old. It was cutesy to develop a life-threatening and costly addiction then!

I’ve been trying to tell Libertarian Boyfriend that the best way to celebrate my not having smoked in two weeks (as of Saturday) is with a pack of Marlboro Light 100s. Unfortunately, I don’t think we’re seeing eye to eye on that one.

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  • http://miconian.com miconian

    I used to smoke a pack a day of American Spirits medium. Yes, it does feel sexy, and yes, girls who smoke look sexy when they’re doing it. (All that puckering, sucking, and blowing…) But now that I’m “clean,” the fear that a smoky temptress would lead me back to that habit is usually enough to balance out the sex appeal. Usually.

  • http://www.drunkenatheist.com drunkenatheist

    Hahaha, I'm glad someone understands my pain.

    It's going much better than I had expected, and – in all serious – past the first few days, I really haven't had too many serious "I WILL CASTRATE YOU IF I CANNOT SMOKE A CIGARETTE" moments.