…and not with my female ex-roommate’s maturity.

The irony being – of course – that this ex-roommate broke up with her first girlfriend and began initiating her relationship with that exes cousin within a few hours of their breakup.  Then, after she and the cousin – predictably – broke up, she moved onto one of the cousin’s best friends.  I’m going to assume that this was also within a few hours.

No, that’s not some serial killer shit or anything.

Really though, what should you expect from people who work things out by having a falling out, ignoring one another for several months, and then sweeping everything under the rug?  It’s funny, because after reading through about 8 gajillion old posts I’ve made (between Livejournal, Blogger, and WordPress), I’ve noticed a pattern where I have a hell of a time picking friends.  Two themes, however, keep rearing their little heads:

1. The people in question causing more drama then they’re worth
2. The people in question have an inability to work things out with one another

I don’t think there is anything commendable about allowing people to walk all over you, treat you like shit, and then working out your issues with one another via a Facebook friend request.  This is doubly true if there is constantly some big drama between everyone a mere week or two prior to “working things out.”

In a similar vein, there is nothing shitty or bitchy or lacking in self-respect about demanding – much less expecting – an apology for certain behaviors.  There’s even less that is shitty or bitchy or lacking in self-respect about telling someone who has treat you in a shitty manner to fuck right off.  I give a lot of chances for people to redeem themselves, and that’s probably what’s done me in the most over the years.  After reading through, deleting, editing, and organizing several thousand posts from my old Livejournal and blogger accounts, these are the biggest themes I keep seeing.

The craziest thing is that – with some exceptions – I don’t even necessarily think many of the people I’ve encountered are doing it maliciously.  In most cases, I think they’re just not intelligent enough to see how inherently fucked their social interactions are.  Simply put: they’re children and they lack the understanding necessary to realize why they can’t function in society.

What does sadden me, however, is the fact that a lot of this shit has been perpetuated by women I know.  By women who are “feminists.”  Really?  How feminist is it to encourage bullshit competition between your fellow sisters?  How feminist is it to giggle about the back biting, shit talking, gossipy bullshit that hurts all women? Shit, man, it’s 2009.  I thought that sisterhood was supposed to mean something in our interactions with one another.  I thought we weren’t supposed to do this shit anymore.

I’m the first to admit that I am not perfect or that I have acted in a 100% truly supportive manner, but the way some would tell it, my more recent political shift (which aren’t mutually exclusive from feminism) somehow makes me a latent misogynist.  When, fuck, I’m one of the few that has tried to make a supportive environment for those who need it.  There is nothing unreasonable, fucked up, or shitty about wanting to engage in an honest dialogue with others, which means that we won’t always agree on shit.

I know it seems to be the consensus that the only productive discussion is one in which everyone agrees with you, but there is a distinct difference between respectful disagreement and nasty little digs accusing others of having their self-respect packed away in a box.  The photo that began this post may seem like it’s dredging up “ancient history” (read: shit that everyone wants to sweep under the rug), but the reality is that it’s symbolic of so much shit from the past two years.  It is far more telling than any amount of poorly executed trolling could ever be, and the reactions to it are also far more telling than the reactions to any amount of poorly executed trolling.

And although none of us want to believe that we are in the wrong – especially when it seems that our misguided stubbornness is the one of the few things we really have left – I find it very hard to believe that it’s all my fault.  The answer is more complicated and nuanced then “Drunkenatheist is a mean cunt,” and I think that it’s important to keep that in mind.

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If you’re reading this from my Facebook notes, please go to the original blog post (located here) to comment.