Enjoy!

1. A Malaysian model has been sentenced to a caning for drinking a beer at her Singapore hotel. The law prevents Muslims from drinking alcohol.  Yay for religion!
2. Holy shit: a cop was actual fired for being a douchebag.  Don’t worry, no one was tased and no dogs were shot: they simply asked a waitress to pose with a semi-automatic rifle, though I have complete confidence that if she were tased and her dog was shot, the cops would be penalized to the fullest extent of the law.
3. In other Fuck Da Police news: “Help Wanted: Intelligent Folks Need Not Apply.”
4. People regularly cross the US-Canada border to get adequate health treatment, but not in the direction you probably think.
5. Thus far, a total of 81 banks have collapsed.  Yay for bail outs!
6. In unpredictable, sensationalized news I’m fucking sick of: Michael Jackson is still not in the ground.
7. In more totally unpredictable news: a cop car got stolen from the Fern Rock section of North Philadelphia.
8. In in the most unpredictableist news evar: Israel prevents foreigners from entering Israel if they are visiting the Palestinian Authority.  Well now, that certainly improves relations between Israel and Palestine.
9. Some Peruvian dognapped puppies were found…dissected in a lab.  Some idiot decided to categorize this as “odd news,” implying that it rarely, if ever happens.
10. Regardless of whether or not walking the streets of Detroit to get kids back into the school district is a good idea, you’ve got to give Robert Bobb’s perseverance should probably count for something.
11. Open carrying assault weapons at Obama health care protests…the Right’s version of flag burning.  I’m not saying it should be illegal, but I am saying it’s pretty retarded.  Despite how well thought out your message might be, it is instantly transformed into “LOOK AT THE IDIOT CRAPPING ALL OVER ‘MERIKA!”
12. What was that about using government resources to prove that the government should be trusted? Yeah, something tells me that might be a little counter-productive, not to mention FUCKING CREEPY.
13. The naked and mutilated corpse of a busty blonde reality tv star who likely wasn’t starring in “World’s Brainiest Blondes” was found stuffed into a suitcase.  Her body was identified by a serial number from her breast implants.  I’m sure that Keith Olbermann will have some repugnant, misogynistic shit to say about her murder.  Certainly, her being labeled a bimbo means she deserved some Holly Maddox shit.

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