In light of three incidents that were years in the making, the city of Philadelphia has decided to propose some new laws for bicyclists.

Let’s be clear about a few things:

1. The majority of the bicyclists I have seen drive like dickheads.
2. The majority of car drivers I have seen drive like dickheads.
3. The bicyclists are kind of screwed because they risk a $250 fine* for biking on the pavement or risk getting planted into parked cars for biking on most of the roads here.

With all that being said, I think it’s pretty obvious that this is another way to screw the poor in this city.  Yeah, a lot of dickheaded bike riders, especially down in South Philly, are asshole yuppie fucks who think they are enlightening the city dwellers by showing them omg! new green initiatives! instead of taking poor people transportation (aka Septa).

But you know, there are a lot of places that Septa either doesn’t run, or is unreliable at best.  And, honestly, given how sucky the job market is within city limits, a lot of people are being forced to cut costs.  That $2.90 round trip might not seem like much, but that adds up to $58 a month if you’re lucky enough to be working 5 days a week, which could translate into 7 hours of work if you’re unlucky enough to only be making $8 an hour.**  I totally understand why someone might not want to shell out that much money a month just to get to work.  (Of course, this does not account for things like going to the grocery store, or God forbid, going out to grab something quick for dinner or possibly even – gasp! – an overpriced six pack to drown away your sorrows about only making $8/hour.  I know, I know, the working poor should never ever ever spend their money on anything frivolous.  They should be forever punished and never allowed to spend a little bit of their hard earned cash on something that isn’t a necessity.)

Anyway, I’m digressing.  The point is that these additional proposed laws are completely idiotic.  The proposed fines will jump to $300 for riding on the sidewalk, $300 for riding with headphones, $1000 (!!!) for riding without brakes, and will introduce a new licensing system for bicycles which will include a $20 fee for registering your bike.  (I’m willing to bet that, like with car registration, this fee will be an annual fee and not a one-time shot.)  Does anyone really think it’s going to function as more than just a money making ploy for City Hall?  I mean seriously.  I doubt I will notice an appreciable difference in the number of bicyclists on the sidewalk after these proposed laws go through, nor will I notice an appreciable increase in the number of bicyclists who actually observe traffic laws.  Maybe I’m cynical, but I’m not wrong as often as some seem to think I am.

The reality is that the laws won’t do much besides encourage the ever confrontational relationship that bicyclists and motorists have with one another here.  You won’t see anything actually change until there is a little bit more courtesy extended on the road by both bicyclists and drivers.  Yeah, there are plenty of holier than thou, self-righteous assholes riding bikes in this city, many of whom are fitting squarely into the camp of “heh heh, dumb cunt deserved to get hit by a bicyclist who couldn’t be bothered to slow down when approaching a stop sign.”  Those guys are assholes.

But at the same time, it’s an attitude that’s born from frustration.  This city is scary as shit to walk in some areas (like right around 9th and Wharton, at Pat’s & Geno’s, where I’ve almost been hit by tourists in mini vans on multiple occasions), let alone trying to ride a bike.  I get the feeling that most of these bicyclists, no matter how dickheaded they ride, have developed this attitude because they have been almost killed while riding their bikes around here.

Regardless of your opinion on bicyclists in Philly, just because some, many, or even most might personally be assholes, it doesn’t mean that the proposed laws are decent ones and it doesn’t make it right to milk money out of a seemingly citywide hated group.

* According to the first link, “cyclists riding on the pavement or wearing headphones while riding would each face a fine of $300. Currently, the fines are, respectively, $10 and $3.”  I’m not sure certain that this is correct.  I see signs all over 9th street claiming that the fine is $250.   If I’m wrong, I stand corrected.

** Whoops!  I flaked out and forgot that tokens cost $1.45 each.  All of the numbers in red were edited when I realized my mistake.

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